Something to lift my spirits

I just want to shut myself off from the world. Everything seems complicated. The more you get old, the more you have to think and do something about your life or maybe people expect you to be like that or maybe it's just the way it is. And then, here's the worse part, the more you will have to deal with people. I'm better off thinking and doing something about my life but dealing with people is just not my thing. I'm an introvert for as long as I can remember. And I don't think it will ever change. I'm not into socializing and I'm not after befriending every people I meet. But here's something I'm proud of, I have a few friends...very few, but I know that with them I found genuine people who know and understand me. I miss them. But right now, I just have to live my life in solitude. My life has been amazing, definitely amazing but I think I am here at this point where I need to take a breather and just free myself from worries about the future, about what I would do, and about other people. Speaking of which, I hope I would be spared from people asking me about my plans. There's no explaining to do because I don't owe them one.

Also, from now on, I'll be changing my perception about myself being a "princess in waiting." I'm not a princess waiting for my prince anymore. I've been holding on that belief for a long time. I still believe in true love but I will not spend my entire life waiting for that one special person. I don't care if he comes along or not. I am no longer a princess because from the start I've always been a fighter. I've been through a lot of battles. Some, I am victorious. Some, I failed. Some, I retreated. Some, I am still preparing to.

Whatever lies ahead, I just leave it up to fate because for now, all I want is to shut myself off from this world.

Twenty Six

Finally, after several nights of going home late (or in other words: in the wee hours of the morning after all the labworks & paperworks),  I am now sitting here in my room on a Thursday night, on the eve of my birthday. Tomorrow's going to be my 26th year on this planet. Yes, you read it. Twenty six. Is it just me or time really flies fast? I just couldn't believe it. Where should I put it then? Past mid-twenties or maybe last phase of mid-twenties. Oh well, at least it's still in the range of mid-twenties.

Of all my birthdays, this is probably the one where I can say I look and feel old. The past few days, whenever I looked at myself in the mirror, I couldn't help but see some physical signs of "being old" - crow's feet, wrinkles, acne marks, dull skin, and sometimes, tired eyes. Or maybe, instead of using the term being old, I'll just have to use "being mature". No doubt I am no longer in that awkward, teenage part of growing up. I have grown into an independent, strong, mature woman. I think it's safe to say that I have accomplished many things already (finishing in one of the top universities in my country, working in an international research center, and living and studying in a foreign land), yet there are still a lot to be done. There are still dreams to be reached and desires of the heart to be filled. One thing remains the same. I am and will always be grateful to God. For all the blessings, for all the challenges and obstacles, for all the mistakes and lessons learned, for every single moment of my existence...

For this year, I pray for COURAGE. Courage to do things I have always wanted to do. Courage to  explore and try new adventures. Courage to love. Courage to sing and dance in the music called life.

"You can't just sit there and put everyone's lives ahead of yours and think that 

counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things."

-Sam, The Perks of Being A Wallflower

Two Days Before 2012 Ends

Gosh, with all the  things running in my mind, I suddenly have no sense of time and even forgot what date it is today (which also happens to be the wedding anniversary of my parents) and that tomorrow will be the last day of the year already! 2012 went by so fast. Whew! Okay, so as much as I wanted to have an organized blog entry, this one would consist of some random thoughts so please bear with me.

I spent Christmas - my last Christmas here in Korea - in the solitude and comfort of my room. I was down with cough and cold. Too bad I wasn't able to attend the mass in the morning. The only thing that made me happy was my skype session with my family the night before. Guess what? I was even in the lab when we were talking. Anyway, by mid afternoon, I was feeling so all alone I decided to go to downtown and got myself a Christmas present... Hello The Perks of Being A Wallflower! 

I love the movie so I realized I needed to get my hands on the book. When I feel so stressed out already in revising my manuscript, I read The Perks. I really like the characters of Sam and Patrick (sociable, very outgoing, with no care on what other people may think of them) but I feel like I'm more of a Charlie-esque type of person (introvert and often finds himself thinking about things instead of participating in life). As of now, I'm halfway with the book. At first, I really felt I was reading a book made by a high school student. The writing is, you know, so high school. But as I read from one page to another, I got the answer. The author has captured the spirit of the book's character who is writing to his 'friend' even though he doesn't know him. And as I go on, I'm beginning to get to know and understand Charlie.

This afternoon, I watched Les Miserables all by myself. It's my first time to go solo on a movie theater. It's weird but it's also liberating. The movie itself, it's like 98% singing and 2% talking in a normal way. What should I expect? Of course it's a musical! But I was really hoping there were more dialogues spoken normally. But I should really say the actors were all so good! Singing and acting full of emotions? Well done!

Two days from now, it's going to be a new year. Can you believe that?! 2012 will be gone and 2013 is here to stay! Have a blessed and amazing 2013 everyone!

 So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I 

 am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure 

 out how that could be. 

-Charlie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The First Noel

"Then let us all with one accord

Sing praises to our heavenly Lord,

That hath made heaven and earth with nought,

And with his blood mankind has bought.

Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel,

Born is the King of Israel."

 Happy birthday Jesus Christ!♥ 

After Six Months

Time flies. Definitely.

I just have to mark this day as one of my happiest moments here in Korea. I arrived in the laboratory at two in the afternoon, kind of worried, but lo and behold! The first person that I saw when I opened the door was him. All I was able to do was say/shout his name with a tinge of excitement and unbelief. I wanted to hug him but of course I did not. I am just so happy he's finally back. Then we had some talk, you know the usual talk of two persons who haven't seen each other for a long time. How's your stay in the US? Did you enjoy your time there? Do you miss it already? et cetera. et cetera. And then he gave me this.

A box of chocolates. For some girls, it's just common to receive chocolates and other things from guys. But in my case, he's the first one to give something like this. I don't want to put some special meaning to it aside from the fact that he has given it to me because he is my friend, but deep inside me I feel that it's such a sweet gesture.

So yeah, maybe I got an early Christmas gift. ♥